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jeni2005
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Name: Lateefa
Birthday: 9/29/1981
Gender: Female
Interests: read, collect books, spend time with loved ones and sleep
Occupation: Registered nurse
Industry: Hospital
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/12/2006
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| I have an interesting question: Some people who celebrate Christmas for the food, family and festivities, while others, in addition to the other things, celebrate the birth of Christ . If you had a little child (ages 2-10), would you allow your child believe in Santa Claus? Why or why not? | | |
| Today was one of those days at work when I eventually wanted to put on a parachute and jump out of the window saying "Sayonara, Suckers!" We all were busy, but because I was giving medications to my patients, They asked me for every stinkin' thing under the sun. I guess it is part of the beast of addiction. It is difficult to look past yourself while there are other things going on that are of a higher priority. Some people were so understanding so they waited until I could get to them. Others got very frustrated and came like every hour to hour and a half. Arrrgggggghhhh! I feel like a nicotine gum dispenser. I mind as well program myself to spit them out when people say "can I have nicotine gum?" after the 6th time in the evening. (Children, PLEASE SAY NO TO CIGARETTES!). Well, at least I have a job to go to and one that I enjoy most of the time. I believe that God will use my experiences to teach me something profound in my life (patience, maybe?) I realize that whatever we do, we must do it for His glory alone. That's pretty hard when people may be quick to tell you how much you suck. But He finds away to boost us up so we can go out an serve Him AND His people. Pretty exciting huh? One thing that was funny was when one of my patients called one of my co-workers an O.G. (original gangster). She didn't know what they meant and was confused. She is in her 50s-60s and is Caucasian (one of those women who loves to feed you and make you happy) . We tried to explain to her that it was similar to being a founding person or one of the first to start something and that it was usually a label of respect. She smiled and said, "Yeah so you better respect me, for God's sakes, respect me". That was funny! Well good night to all! | | |
| I have often questioned the old adage "Blood is thicker than water" . I have had friends that have been better to me than some of my family. However, the drawback is, even with the best of friends, they can leave your life if things don't work out between you two. They may move and you may never see you (them) again. They may not like your attitude and get fed up if you are going through something and dump you (happened to me in HS). They can decide to make new friends and move on (which is anyone's choice). My family can be pretty dysfunctional. We argue a lot and have a lot of physical and mental issues that seem to carry through each generation one way or another. But one thing so far that has not happened to me is that they have never abandoned me all together. When my mom couldn't care for me, my grandparents did.When one is ill, everyone rallies around each other and prays for the one who is ill and (if applicable) their immediate family. Which is why I really appreciate my family more than I did before. Their presence on this earth is one of the more stable connections I have (under God of course). I say all of this because when I have gotten into arguments with some of my friends (over serious matters) the friendship was rocky.Later on, I am so afraid of doing something to wreck the friendship then they may decide to not be my friends. I have gotten into some huge arguments with my mom and siblings and it may take time to reconcile but we re connect. LIKE I SAID, no one's family is perfect, only God is. But as much as they drive me BONKERS, they seem to stick around(which is pretty cool). Just something I was thinking about today.
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| The last 3-4 weeks have been very stressful at work. We had such a rough group of patients that everyone was drained. They walked around the unit like they were entitled to whatever they wanted and demanded nothing less. It was sooo bad that when a patient was in a medical crisis and the nurses were tied up, some people threw hissy fits because they couldn't get their nicotine gum. Part of me understands that these are sick people with addictions, but a large part of me was angry because I felt like they were the last to feel entitled to anything. I never said it to anyone but my attitude reflected it (i am almost sure). Understand that I didn't come into this field of chemical dependency because I pitied this population- my mother was strung out on drugs and I had to care for her and my brother at the age of 8 yrs old. My dad was also strung out and missed a large part of my life. My grandfather was an alcoholic and it almost wrecked his marriage and his life. So, I felt (and feel) like my pain is nolonger in vain because I can give back to someone like they gave to my family. Now being in this field for 7 months, I have faced the obstacles of dealing with very difficult patients and not knowing what to do. There's a lot of tension between nursing staff and administration so the lines of communication seemed mixed up when it mattered most.
I called my nurse manager wanting to talk to her after a patient had chewed me out and cursed me out because I didn't give her what she wanted. I didn't get a call from her for over a week. By the time I spoke to her, I had been disrespected by another patient in front of the entire cafeteria of patients. On top of that, I had a patient who wanted to leave after just coming that day but was unable to and the entire floor wad expoding with hyperactive patients who all had needs like yesturday. For the first time ever, I wanted to beat down this person. If she had been on the street, I would have probably done it. On top of that, while I was actively angry, one of my long winded colleagues tried to give me advice. Honestly, who wants advice when they are angry? (i see what you mean Alban  ) All I wanted for at least 10 minutes was to vent or be left alone so I could calm down. I told her in the best way I could with out taking it out on her, then I needed to close the door so she would get the point (I told her before I did don't worry). The two nurses working with me are older than me and they tend to drive me crazy because they tend to get worked up about the day before it begins, especially if it is already very busy. Needless to say, I had lost my cool and I was so mad at myself.
I spoke with my manager about my feelings. She affirmed me that I was ok and that everyone has been where I am. She told me the key is to identify the things or people that push my buttons and figure out why they do that. She told me that she would let me know of any training I could take but what I needed was experience and that came with time. I walked out feeling hopeful for my future there. I wanted to run away (like I usually do) because I thought I wasn't made for the job. I felt so helpless and inadequate that I wanted to hide under the table and change my name to Mud. When I wanted to cry, I couldn't because there was no time for it. I realized that I was doing the best with what I had and it wasn't good enough. I have found a book that would help me understand what people with addiction are going through so I can see past their demands and see their heart
NOW, don't get me wrong, there is a happy ending to this story. Some one amongst the patients began a prayer group. It started with a few and fluctuated day to day. One of the patients invited me and I came. They asked me to pray and I did. They were so touched that they asked me to come every night. I told them I would try if it wasn't busy but if I couldn't to always pray for the staff; they promised to do that. On a Sunday, while I was at church, the song "mighty to save" was sung. It reminded me of one of my patients who had lost everything due to her addiction. I looked for the song online and gave her the lyrics. She was so blessed and told me further that she had lost some one special that day many years ago. She really needed those words. Of course I open my mouth and said "oh I wish you could hear the song" . . . SHE ASKED ME TO SING IT! AND AT THE PRAYER GROUP! I haven't sung in front of any one in a while. I was sooo afraid to, but I realized that this was not for my glory but to glory of God. These people needed to know that Jesus could save them and if they wanted to hear, shouldn't I tell them? So I sang for them. Many had tears in their eyes. They all asked for the lyrics. So, every night I am there, they ask me to sing a song. I have sung hymns for them. They also ask me to pray for them. I never ever imagined in my life that God would use me in such a mighty way. I am not worthy especially when I exploded the way I did, but they were still receptive to His word. The group continues even now and the person who started it has left. Thank you Lord for using a broken vessel like me. All glory and honor goes to You alone.
To end this long blog, I would like to thank my loving hubby Allen for taking such loving care of me today. I was pretty sick with some yucky GI issues (lets just say that the toilet and I got to know each other too well today). He was so attentive to me. He fixed me clear liquids and made sure I drank enough of them. He stayed near me while I was still in pain. And he gave up one of his favorite shows "Pardon the Interruption" to go and get me foods that I could tolerate. If you see this good man, tell him way to go! I told him thank you many times with lots of love and kisses. I even let him watch TV without bothering him for attention once I felt a little better. He keeps checking on me. (And thanks Tina for calling me to make sure that I was still alive today.)
Ok everyone, gotta go and rest awhile. By the way, I like comments and e props. | | |
| Tomorrow is my birthday and many things have made it very memorable. For example: My paternal grandmother died when I was two on my birthday (which is why my dad could not bear to see me on my birthdays for a long time; and the fact that I look exactly like her), I had a party at Mac Donald's ( i only know from the pics), My uncle Charles' funeral was on my birthday (he was a great man) and my step sis is getting married tomorrow- on my birthday. Interesting, no?
I have to say that my perspective on life is different than last year around this time even though I have more physical ailments than last year. I was not looking forward to my birthday last year and I wound up working that day (well, part of it). My mom forgot that it was my birthday (this year she's throwing me a party). But even before all of that, last year, life didn't seem worth living. I was very depressed and I could care less if I had lived to see 25. This year, I am grateful to be alive. There are days when my body seems to be falling apart (I still think age is nothing but a number ), and I question my mortality, but I am grateful for the moment. I believe that although God answered my prayer for great health with a no, He is changing my perspective on things so that it doesn't bother meat least as much.
I was sick with a nasty cold this week and took off two days from work (well, one of the two, they kindly encouraged me to go home and rest). On Tuesday, I got a call from my doc with results from some lab work. She said that my pancreatic enzymes were elevated and that I needed to see the GI doc again. To give you some background, I was in the hospital with pancreatitis twice last year. The only cause they could find was the sudden change in my diet when I went on the South Beach Diet. To tell you the truth, they really didn't know what caused it. I've had a dull ache n the left side of my tummy with almost constant nausea. But I grinned and bore it because I am sick of seeing the docs (sad to hear from a nurse, huh?). Allen, my hubby, encouraged me to go and not mess with "that" because of my history with the Pancreatitis; so reluctantly I went.
The information didn't hit me until later that evening when I felt worse from the cold I had. I felt so frustrated with my body and like I said earlier, i questioned my mortality. Will I live a long time? Will I die young? What else will happen to me? I also felt frustrated because I don't want my family and friends to worry about me. I want to be there for them and be strong enough to bear their burdens. I understand and would even expect concern; It's just that I've seen the look on my husband's face when I tell him what the doctor has said. It cuts to my heart a little each time. That night, I cried as I told my husband some of my frustrations with my health. He understood and expressed his frustrations. Then I just chilled for a while and watched tv.
So this is the story for now. I am hoping that I will be able to ride the waves of life and deal with people's drama (my own is more than enough). OHHHH WELLL!
SEE YA!
PS. I MISS YOU AMY!!! YOU KEEP ME SANE AND I CAN BE AS SILLY AND QUIRKY AS I WANT TO BE AROUND YOU! WHEN ARE YOU AND KASS (HOPEFULLY) COMING HOME?
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